You're Gone
by Meimi

Disclaimer: Magic Knight Rayearth and characters are owned by CLAMP and whoever else they decide to give rights too. "You're Gone" lyrics belong to whomever wrote it and whoever else holds the rights to it.

Spoiler Warning: If you don't know who Lantis and Eagle are, why are you reading this? ^_~ Spoilers abound for MKR season 2. So go away if you don't want spoiler cooties.

Yaoi Warning: If you don't know what yaoi is, why are you reading this? Yaoi IMO has sex between two guys, not to be confused with shonen ai which is just mushy with kissy-kissy scenes. So if you don't like that, don't read and don't bother me with flames. You've had sufficient warning against it.

Dedication: This is for Jaana, who made me promise to write her a yaoi featuring this pair. Though admittedly, I'm pretty sure she's going to be slightly disappointed that I didn't go more into DETAIL. ^_^; Gomen luv, I didn't want the sex to detract from the story.

As such, this is my first yaoi, even though there isn't all that much yaoi in it, but let me know how it turns out.

This is inspired by the lyrics (not the song) for 'You're Gone' by Diamond Rio. Yes, that's country which I tend to dislike, but the lyrics are beautiful and worth it. ^_^

Text Conventions:
------------------------------ - flashback

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You're Gone
Sung by "Diamond Rio"
Album "Unbelievable"

I said hello, I think I'm broken.
And though I was only joking,
it took me by surprise when you agreed.
I was trying to be clever,
for the life of me I never
would have guessed
how far the simple truth would lead.
You knew all my lines.
You knew all my tricks.
You knew how to heal that pain
no medicine can fix.

And I bless the day I met you.
And I thank God that he let you
lay beside me for a moment
that is all.
And the good news is
I'm better for the time we spent together.
And the bad news is
you're gone.

Looking back it's still surprising.
I was sinking,
you were rising.
With a look you caught me in midair.
Now I know God has his reasons,
but sometimes it hard to see them.
And I awake and find that you're not there.
You found hope in hopeless.
You made crazy, sane.
You became the missing link
that helped me break my chains.

And I bless the day I met you.
And I thank God that he let you
lay beside me for a moment
that is all.
And the good news is
I'm better for the time we spent together.
And the bad news is
you're gone.

The bad news is
you're gone.

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"You're gone."

My mind draws out each syllable, over and over, again and again. A litany. A eulogy. A dirge. For you, because..

"You're gone."

This time it was different. This time you were the one to leave. Not the opposite as it had been before.

You've left me.

For good this time. There will be no chances for reconciliation, no chances to watch and wonder at the beautiful person that was you. Too late to realize there was more than just passion burning in your eyes when you looked me.

Even now, it is easier to remember the passionate moments. The moments when you got me to let my guards down. The moments when I caught a glimpse of an innocent strength in you. An innocence I wanted to protect. An innocence I never saw again until I met her, and yet, it's different with her.

It was simpler in Autozam, or at least it appeared that way. There was you and me in public, cold and distant, though you were a little absentminded as usual but that was always part of your charm. And then there was you and me in private, warm and inviting. You would've made the perfect diplomat. You separated the aspects of your life so easily from each other. It was a bit harder for me. Though, I don't think you ever realized that. The cold, unattached mask was so easy for me to erect, and so much harder to take down. And yet you and your very presence could force it away with just a look.

And still, my revelation has come too late. Too late for anything more than a whispered goodbye lost to an uncaring wind. A lone tear slips by my eternal defenses as I close my eyes and think of the first time, the first time I saw that odd glimmer in your eyes and failed to recognize it for what it was.

We had been lovers for some time. You had been the one to approach me, somewhat of a surprise but all the more welcome. I always thought you were attracted by the foreign aspect. I was such a fool then, still am.

------------------------------

The day had turned out to be decidedly dreary. It was the perfect kind of weather to spend time indoors, as you had cheerfully put it. The come on of course wasn't much of a surprise, you always were insatiable. And so we had ended up spending the morning and a good deal of the afternoon in my rooms. During one of the respites, something in you seemed to change and you grew quiet.

I watched you with sated eyes, watched you curiously where you reclined atop me. You rest your chin upon your crossed arms, your breath tickling the skin of my chest. From your perch you watched me in turn with half-lidded eyes. Your eyes glittered with barely sated passion, very soon you would again be demanding more. I think you only allowed those moments between for my sole benefit. You always wanted and demanded more, such a strange comparison to the usual cheerful absentminded mask you showed to the world.

Absently, you traced a finger around in circles across sensitive skin. It was evident that you were more than ready to begin again, you were just waiting for something. "You're staying?" you asked huskily.

I blinked in surprise at the unexpected question. We had discussed my future before, or perhaps it could be said I discussed it while you listened. I wasn't sure whether I would stay or not. What I had left behind couldn't be ignored, and yet I could not ignore you either. It was an impossible situation for me to think about. But soon I would have to make a decision. "Perhaps."

You frowned slightly at my half answer. Something was disturbing you and I didn't know what. "Then will you leave?"

"Perhaps."

You turned away from me then and sighed. You were bothered by something and I didn't know why. "I've upset you. I'm sorry."

You looked back at me and smiled a seemingly innocent smile. "Make it up to me?" you asked sweetly, perhaps too sweetly.

I chuckled at that. Insatiable as always.

You squawked indignantly as I rolled over and pinned you beneath me. A passionate kiss was more than enough to silence further protests. A look told me you were ready, at this point foreplay with you was unnecessary and unwanted. You wanted me now, completely.

I positioned myself and entered your warm depths swiftly, I could never deny you what you wanted.

I loved watching you during sex. Passion glimmering from heavy lidded eyes and a smile of absolute contentment. As if this was the only place you ever wanted to be. You were so beautiful. A perfect angel, if ever a being existed.

As I neared release, something in your eyes stopped me. Something undefinable glittered beneath the passion in your eyes. It was something I couldn't understand or recognize. And yet, I wanted to know what it was.

You reached up and cupped my face in your delicate grasp and smiled up at me. You blinked in mock surprise at my searching gaze. "Don't ask," you whisper hoarsely, "I can't give you the answer. Please?"

It is that last pleading that breaks me. I want to know so much, yet I cannot hurt you by asking. For now, having you here with me is enough. I lean down to kiss you in reassurance as I find my release and bring you along with me.

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I never asked you. And now it is too late, even though I know the answer. I saw it again in the depths of your eyes when we met again in Cephiro. But it took you looking at her with something almost identical to make me realize just what it was.

You recognized in her that simple innocent strength that was also in you. That strength that had made my decision to accept your offer so long ago. You recognized it and you loved it. As an equal and more.

Do you realize what I saw in those few seconds? I saw the future, or at least thought I did. You both seemed so exceptionally right, as if you had been made for each other. And I despaired, for I thought I had just lost you both to each other.

Your children would've been true angels.

That all changed when you both turned to look at me. The love that glowed in both of your eyes didn't change, in fact it seemed to grow. It was then that I finally understood. You had always loved me and you loved her for herself and for loving me.

I have never felt so humbled nor have I ever experienced such pure joy before as I did in that single instant.

It's gone now.

I have lost you. And I mourn you as no other. She mourns you as well, though she hides it as well as you ever could have. We have each other, but there is an emptiness in both of us that will never again be filled.

I will never forget anything about you. How can I? I see a part of you every time I look at her. For that and what could have been, I will cherish her as I know you would have. It is all I can do now.

But still, the facts remain as well as the pain.

"You're gone."

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^_^ My take on Lantis' thoughts about Eagle after Eagle's death. Short and sweet.