The Descent of Daisuke To The Digital World
by Ajora Fravashi
*Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon. Toei does.
*This is a rather sacrilegious variation on the Sumerian myth of the fertility goddess Ishtar's descent to the Underworld, and as such is written in the epic poetry style suited for such a derivation. Unlike the myth, however, it has a special twist and is meant to not be taken seriously ^_^.
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To DevNull, land of no return,
Daisuke successor of Taichi was determined to go;
The successor of Taichi was determined to go
To the dark base, dwelling of the Digimon Kaiser,
To the base which those who enter cannot leave,
On the road where travelling is one-way only,
To the base where those who enter are deprived of light,
Where dust is their food, clay their bread.
they see no light, they dwell in darkness.
Over the door and the bolt, dust has settled.
Daisuke, when he arrived at the gate of DevNull,
Addressed his words to the keeper of the gate,
'Yo, gatekeeper, open your gate for me,
Open your gate for me to come in!
If you do not open the gate for me to come in,
I'll bring out my digimon and have him armor evolve,
I'll have Fladramon beat down the gate with Fire Rockets,
I'll call the other Chosen Children and they'll come help:
We're gonna take the Kaiser out!'
The gatekeeper made his voice heard and spoke,
He said to leader Daisuke,
'Stop, lord, do not break it down!
Let me go and report your words to the Kaiser.'
The gatekeeper went in and spoke to the Kaiser,
'Here he is, your rival Daisuke
Who holds Taichi's goggles,
Current leader of the Chosen Children. What shall I do?'
When Ken heard this,
His face grew still as a clay mask,
His lips grew taunt as a drum's surface.
Then he laughed.
'What brings him to me? Wait, don't answer that.
Surely not because I live in luxury,
I eat the finest foods, I drink the finest teas?
I have to whip my slaves into shape.
For the sake of my empire I have to rule with an iron fist.
Go, gatekeeper, open your gate to him.
Treat him according to the ancient rites.'
The gatekeeper went. He opened the gate for Daisuke.
'Enter, my lord: watch out for the Veggimon with roaming vines,
May you survive the encounter relatively unscathed.'
He let Daisuke through the first door, but took off the goggles on the
boy's head.
'Gatekeeper, why the hell did you take away my goggles?'
'Go in, my lord. Such are the rites of the Digimon Kaiser.'
He let Daisuke through the second door, but took off the gloves on the
boy's hands.
'Gatekeeper, why the hell did you take away my gloves?'
'Go in, my lord. Such are the rites of the Digimon Kaiser.'
He let Daisuke through the third door, but took off the shoes on the
boy's feet.
'Gatekeeper, why the hell did you take away my shoes?'
'Go in, my lord. Such are the rites of the Digimon Kaiser.'
He let Daisuke through the fourth door, but took off the jacket on the
boy's torso.
'Gatekeeper, why the hell did you take away my jacket?'
'Go in, my lord. Such are the rites of the Digimon Kaiser. Besides,
that's so 1960's.'
He let Daisuke through the fifth door, but took off the socks on the
boy's feet.
'Gatekeeper, why the hell did you take away my socks?'
'Go in, my lord. Such are the rites of the Digimon Kaiser. Do I
really have to repeat this again?'
He let Daisuke through the sixth door, but took off the shirt on the
boy's chest.
'Gatekeeper, why the hell did you take away my shirt?'
'Go in, my lord. Such are the rites of the Digimon Kaiser. Don't
you think this is rather monotonous?'
He let Daisuke through the seventh door, but took off the boy's
shorts.
'Gatekeeper, why the hell did you take away my shorts, you
pervert?!'
'Go in, my lord. Such are the rites of the Digimon Kaiser. Please
don't ask.'
As soon as Daisuke was finally allowed into the throneroom,
The Kaiser looked at him and burst out laughing.
Daisuke flushed, and moved to defend his dignity. What he had left of
it, anyway.
The Kaiser blocked Daisuke's move and spoke,
Addressing his words to Wormmon his partner;
'Go, Wormmon, you pathetic little insect,
Toss him in a dungeon. No, I don't care which one.'
After Daisuke the successor of Taichi had gone down to DevNull,
No action was taken by the Chosen Children,
No Evil Rings were destroyed.
Then Iori, most level-headed of the new Chosen, hung his head, his
face became gloomy;
His clothes were as drab as always, his hair a perfectly symmetrical
helmet.
Dejected, he went and knelt before Taichi the first leader,
His voice was ragged in the presence of Takeru.
'Daisuke has gone to the Digital World and has not come back again.
As soon as Daisuke went down to DevNull
No action was taken by our group,
No Evil Rings destroyed.'
Takeru, ever the knight, rose up.
He rose before Iori with resolve in his eyes.
'I set my face towards the gate of DevNull.
The seven gates of DevNull shall open before me.
I'll offer myself to the Kaiser.
When he is certain of his dominance, his mood will lighten.
I shall steal the keys and rescue Daisuke.'
Brave Takeru went down to DevNull.
The seven gates opened for him, and seven items taken from his body.
The Kaiser was glad, and claimed Takeru as his.
Alas, when Takeru was confidant that the Kaiser was agreeable,
He requested Daisuke's release.
When the Kaiser heard this,
He growled and nibbled on the tip of his little finger.
'You have made a request of me that should not have been made!
Come, Takeru, do you really think I'll let him go?
Perhaps I shall let him go, but in exchange for something else.
I'll decree for you a fate that shall never be forgotten.
You will stay here in place of Daisuke, you will be my consort.'
The Kaiser made his voice heard and spoke;
Addressing his words to Wormmon his partner,
'Go, Wormmon, you pathetic little insect,
Release Daisuke from the dungeon.'
Wormmon went, into the dungeon,
Cautious was his going, as he had no spine,
Brought out the keys, and unlocked the door to Daisuke's cell.
He let Daisuke out through the first door, and gave back to him the
boy's shorts.
He let Daisuke out through the second door, and gave back to him the
boy's shirt.
He let Daisuke out through the third door, and gave back to him the
boy's socks.
He let Daisuke out through the fourth door, and gave back to him the
boy's vintage '60's jacket.
He let Daisuke out through the fifth door, and gave back to him the
boy's shoes.
He let Daisuke out through the sixth door, and gave back to him the
boy's yellow rubber gloves.
He let Daisuke out through the seventh door, and tossed the boy's
goggles at him in disgust at the repitition.
'Go, goggleboy, tell the others that the Kaiser got what he want,
That the Kaiser is pleased with the exchange.
Take a bath, you've been here too long. I suggest some deodorant
too.
And really, that jacket has got to go.'
Daisuke stood before the gates of DevNull,
Stood before them and gazed up in question.
'Hey, what exchange are you talking about?
What exchange was made for my release?'
Alas, the gates of DevNull shut before him.
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Ajora: No, I did not sneak a sample of Toei's drug stash. Really.
