In My Deepest Dreams
by Authoress K. C.
I have odd ideas. Umm, just, read it, okay? Yaoi, weirdness, slight angst, maybe hints of a plot running by. Enjoy Minna-San!
I see him over me, eyes glimmering brightly with laughter and love. I reach out and he's gone. Awake again. I stare off to the side, seeing nothing but the cool gray walls, waiting for sleep. The door opens and I know by the sound of the foot falls who it is. He speaks quietly to me, asking if I'm feeling hungry, he brought me cookies. I just shake my head slightly and pulls the sheet over my head. He leaves and I'm alone with my thoughts again. I feel the pull. It comes faster and closer between now. I close my eyes, tired. He's there with me, laughing, joyful. I reach out and hold him close.
When I wake, I'm still happy, feeling after effects of such warmth. Why do I have to wake up at all? I want to stay there, happy and warm. I'm so slow. It's a struggle to move. I know I'm thin, but, I'm slow, as if I weighed a hundred pounds. I follow the starchy nurse to the dining room. I sit down in a corner, away from the happy sounding chatter. Its cold. Or maybe I'm just much too thin. No matter. I cross my arms and lay my head down on them. I'm tired. I can feel my heart fluttering in my chest. It's so fast.
I'm back in my room. I'm sick, they tell me I'm too thin. Anorexia nervosa or something to that effect. That's okay, it doesn't matter. Boy, my heart is really fast. It's behaving like I have just run a whole mile. Of course, I don't think I could run one meter, forget one mile. The tired feeling is back, I'm so sleepy. The darkness is so warm. I can hear him laughing. I never could tell him properly what I felt. He always said he knew, but I really never told him.
I wake up to a cold empty bed. He was right next to me, keeping me warm and telling me he loved me. I wanted to tell him but he just put a finger over my lips and told me he knew. They say I'm not getting any better, the IV isn't helping. I don't want food, I want him back. He wasn't the one who was thought an angel, but he was my angel. A beautiful angel, fallen from heaven to Earth just for me. My heart is so fast. Wait, that can't be good, even that scares me, it stopped and then sputtered to a start. Where is that button? Wait, I can hear him. He's laughing and calling me.
All of a sudden I'm standing beside him, holding his hand, watching the other people as they draw a sheet over my head. Did he come back for me after all? He always said he wouldn't leave me behind. They say I'm dead. So, this is what it's like. I'm so warm. I turn to him and smile. He's smiling back. He glows, like a small light bulb. I touch his face gently and then toss my arms around his neck. He hugs me gently, as though I'm going to break while I snuggle him, happy. I haven't felt happy in so long. He left me behind, getting himself killed like that. Ken didn't deserve that, just because some idiot homophobic person wanted him dead. A simple hand gun, that's all, shot by an amateur. Right through the heart. He was dead the moment the bullet left his body. He never deserved that, my fallen angel. He's smiling sadly at me.
"I'm dead. Let me go."
No, wait, I'm dead too. I'm staying with you, I can't do this alone. I tried, I can't do this alone. If you're dead, I want to be dead too. A simple hand gun. An idiot with a gun and my world was shredded into hanging strands. I cling to him tightly. I won't let him leave me again.
"I'm dead Takeru. Dead, and nothing can change it."
But I'm dead! I'm dead too! Please let me stay with you!
"I'm dead. We can't change it."
"Ken! No! I can't do this alone! I love you!"
That's the first time I said it. His beautiful eyes widen in sweet surprise before they fill with tears. I've made him cry. He smiles at me, cupping my face in his hands. His lips brush against mine, soft like flower petals.
"The first time. You really meant it this time, you really did."
I've meant it forever. I always had meant it. Ken. My sweet fallen angel, that no one would have guessed. They thought I was an angel, but I thought horrible things. Ken was much better than I was, he was always there for you even if you didn't like him. Iori couldn't help but eventually like him. Even if it was after he'd died. I wonder if he'll care that I'm dead too. I'm dead too. Even in my deepest dreams, I'd never thought I'd spend eternity with him.
"I did. In my deepest dreams."
Bah. Okay, there WAS angst in that. If you find it, I'll write you a fic. THE SAP! Umm, the song, London After Midnight - SACRIFICE. I like LAM! LAM IS GOD! LAM ROX! BONDAGE SONG! Yea baby!