If Only....
by BlueMoonEmpress

All right people! I'm here and I have a Digimon fic!! Go me!!

Ken: Why don't you just go away?

Blue Moon: Ken! How.. how could you say such a thing?

Ken: Duh! By opening my mouth!

Blue Moon: Don't talk back to me mister!!

Ken: But I just did...

Blue Moon: Stupid gorgeous genius...

Blue Moon: Anyway.. This is my first Takeken fic.. I don't know if I'm going to continue it.. so it's all up to you ppl to tell me if I should!

Ken: Don't do it...

Blue Moon: Shut up Ken!!!

Ken: No!

Blue Moon: *Sigh* Please Read and Review!! And Enjoy the fic!!

Disclaimers: I don't own Digimon... No matter how many times Ken says I do!!

Ken: I never!!

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I don't know what to do anymore... This whole trust thing is still new to me... I've always relied on my self. Never needed anyone else or so I've told myself. I'm not sure what to believe anymore. I mean, after all the things I've done to them... They're still willing to forgive me...

At least one of them is... He still haunts my dreams... Ever since I first saw him back when I was the Kaiser I was attracted to him... But then again who wouldn't? His blue eyes are something anyone could melt in... His blonde hair is so shiny and soft... At least I imagine it would be... I've never been able to touch it... Oh no... He's with Yagami Hikari... I'll never be with him. But I'm all right with that... I still have him as a friend. And I can live with that.

But I can't help wondering if he's really happy with Yagami. He doesn't always look it. But then again it could just be me and my wishful thinking. I've been doing that a lot lately. That's what I was doing when I wanted Wormmon back. And he did come back. But then again I did the same thing after Osamu died... And he never came back. It really make's you think, and I really don't need to do anymore of that. Thinking only means depressing thoughts. And depressing thoughts mean depressing actions. And I don't need anymore of those.

Three trips to the hospitals is enough for me. And to add to my surprise Takeru and the others had come to visit me. Well the new digidestined anyway. But they didn't look like they wanted to be there. Well Takeru did.

"Uh, Ichijouji, how ya doing?" Daisuke asked hesitantly.

"Better Motomiya-kun, I'm glad you all came to visit me," I smiled. I figured it was safer to use last name instead of first.

"Ken," Takeru started. I looked up at him. His eyes were red from... Tears? "Why did you do this to yourself?" He asked pointing down at my bandaged wrist. I looked back up at him and answered truthfully.

"I was tired of living," They all looked at me in shock. So I thought I better explain. "You see, after I stopped being the Digimon Kaiser I found that I didn't have anything to live for... I mean you guys would never accept me, after everything I did," I was cut off by Iori.

"You got that right! We don't want anything to do with you!" He cried. I flinched. I was about to continue when Takeru interrupted me.

"Iori! Would you stop putting Ken down like that! He made a mistake and he's paid for it! Just let him be!" Takeru yelled. I flinched again at the reminder on how I almost lost Wormmon for good... Just like Osamu...

"It's okay Take-kun, I know how you all feel about me, and I understand completely. If I were in your position I would hate me too, and to tell you the truth I do hate myself," That's when the nurse came in and told them that they had to go. I hate to say it I was a little bit relived. I don't know if I could have handled anymore.

That was a year ago. And I still hold the scars from the meeting... And what I did to myself. But one thing that still baffles me... Why was Takeru so worried? Even the kind hearted Hikari looked as if she could care less.

It's summer now, and I've spent most of it in my room. My parents are gone for a month and after much discussion I was able to convince them that I was old enough to stay home by myself. I should go out though... Staying inside all the time isn't right... I'll go for a walk and see where I end up. Grabbing my keys I head for the front door. Put my shoes on and walked out the door making sure to lock it carefully.

I've been walking through Tamachi Park for around two hours now. Just walking. Every once and a while I'll get an odd look from some one, then whispers like. ‘Isn't that Ken Ichijouji? The genius that disappeared?' you get the idea. But I just ignored all of them and kept walking.

Finally giving into my legs and their plea for me to sit and take a break after another three hours of walking I sit down on a bench in the shade. As to not bring anymore attention to myself.

I don't know how long I was sitting there I was to lost in my own thoughts to notice the time go by. But I was suddenly jolted awake by a hand on my shoulder. The touch was so warm... I look up into two caring blue eyes.

"Ken-kun, what are you doing? It's almost seven O'clock," Takeru told me sitting down beside me. I had no idea I had been sitting here for so long.

"I was just thinking Takaishi-kun," I told him.

"Ken, I told you to call me Takeru," He said dropping his hand.

"Gomen," I said as I hung my head.

"I'm worried about you," He whispered. My head popped back up to look at him.

"Why?" Simple question yes, but this wasn't making any sense. Why would Takeru be worried about me? At this question he blushed.

"Because, because, I, I... You're my friend, and I want to make sure you're all right," That didn't end like I thought it would. He only thinks of me as a friend? I hung my head again.

"Oh," I said quietly. I heard him swear under his breath, and then I felt a hand on my chin. Takeru lifted my head back up and closed the gap between us.

He kissed me. Takeru Takaishi just kissed me, me Ken Ichijouji. Ex- Kaiser and enemy to all the Digidestined. Well almost.

He pulled away and gave me that oh so sexy grin of his.

"So? What did ya think?" He asked. Grin still in place. I was still getting over the shock and forgot how to speak.

"I-I.. why?" I asked again. He sighed.

"I thought I made that clear. I-I like you Ken. Maybe even more then that. But I haven't figured that out ye--" I cut him off with my lips.

"Clear as crystal," I said placing my forehead against his. He smiled. I smiled too. I can't remember a time that I was this happy.

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Well... That's the end of it... PLEASE tell me if I should continue it!!

Ken: Don't tell her!!

Blue Moon: Ken shut up! Don't listen to him!! He's nuts! But I love him anyway!!

Ken: Don't say that!!

Blue Moon: Can't stop me!! *Sticks tongue out*

Ken: Urg!!

Blue Moon: Heh.. Well please review!! And I hope you liked it!! Until next time!! Ja ne!!