Heaven's Wish
Another Memory - Daisuke Motomiya
by Midori Kou

I use to have them...
Until they all disappear one day.
I don't remember when...
Or how come...
All I could understand was that
It hurts, it just hurts.
I tried not to think about the pain.
In the end, I am reminded.

You know, I never thought about having to deal things on my own. But then again, life is full of twists and turns. It certainly amazes me what conflicts and problems exist on my road. A damaged lane here... A broken car on the side... But I manage to overcome these obstacles. Despite all the issues before me, I am not provoked by the darkness. I want to find my final destination somewhere down this road called life. There are so many unexpected possibilities, but there is only one for me.

I never considered myself as a romantic of the sorts... Let alone finding myself falling in love with this girl. Sure, I denied it a lot at my young age. How immature my knowledge about the world was. I really didn't understand the concept whatsoever. Heh, you could say I was superficial, paranoid little boy back in the days. (Like the one who believe girls were parasites, carrying cooties.) Yeah, I think I was kinda like that, sadly enough.

I forgot what day was it when I was finally over it, but all I could remember was her - Hikari Yagami. She was the one who turned me around, yet no one else had thought about it at the time.

It was back in the third grade, I believe, before I knew that Hikari-chan and Takeru Takaishi had some kind of friendship. As far as I knew, I was always shunned out by everyone else, being picked on for the stupidest reasons just because I was me. Funny, how kids can be so cruel to those who act as themselves. At least I never took my problems on someone else.

Though, I think I was weak back then. I was unable to protect myself from all the pummeling I received, but luckily was saved from time to time by some of the upperclassmen like Hikari's brother, Taichi-san. I believe that was how I met him in the first place, but that's beside the fact.

Well, I didn't know Hikari-chan that well to begin with, let alone that she was in the same class as me. Probably one of my pathetic flaws...Inability to detect the existence of others. Even though I was trapped in my own little dark ocean (Probably the best way to describe it.), I think Hikari-chan was observing me from afar. Sure, it sounds stupid and ridiculous, but it surely felt that way.

I mean, I was picked on too much for "my own good" and Hikari-chan, along with my classmates, would always see me all beaten up and bruised. I swear I had broken a limb or two in her presence. I think I felt ashamed of myself to have always appeared so cowardly and accept this maltreatment. I couldn't do anything, I thought. I should just give up and allow them to do anything they want. To inflict their suffering upon me every day... To be the underdog for the rest of myself...I really thought this. Seriously, I did until Hikari-chan was the first to have ever talked to me in my whole life. (Other than my parents and Onee-chan.)

I remembered that day. I was terribly pushed around and my clothes were incredible stained by the grass. The school bell rang and hid myself away from everyone. Running away from my problems, per se. I was so discouraged to return to class and so, I wandered into a gardening shack. I think I had stayed there for half the day while everyone from my class was looking for me by our teacher's request.

My name was called over and over, but I shielded it out of my mind. I didn't want to go back. Why would I? I was afraid. Yes, me...Afraid. Doesn't really happen often, now does it? But I had every right to be. I had no friends at school. Everybody thought I always acted too strange. But how can a person be strange when normality can't even be determined? It's damn stupid, I tell you. Then again, kids don't know any better than adults.

After a while, everyone just gave up looking for me, believing I ran home or something. Shows how much effort a kid has. But then, I heard someone still calling my name. It was certainly faint, but I could hear it. When I was sitting in the dark of the shack, I wondered who was that, yelling out to me to return. I finally got the guts to check outside. I wanted to find out who didn't give up me. I wanted to know the person who didn't thought I was some loss cause.

As I crept out of the gardening shack, there was this girl in a pink overall dress with a whistle dangling around her neck. She had a gentle look upon her face as she ran to me. I blinked in astonishment. I could remember feeling her warmth pulsating from her soul. It was such a mysterious feeling. And then she finally spoke to me.

"Are you okay, Daisuke-kun?" she asked me. "Why did you run away like that?"

I was speechless. This girl, the only person who cared to bother looking out for me, questioned my actions. No one had ever bothered asking why I do such things, let alone understands why. They just leave me be. I really hated that, but I had forgotten all of that by Hikari-chan's concern.

I could recollect that I never answered her in return. I just nodded my head silently. I wanted to say something directly to her, but I think I was still indulging on the idea of her talking to me. No matter, Hikari was the first of many others to interact with me, to exist in my life. As far I know, she was the one who changed my personality.

I lost that dull, shy personality months later by confrontation of Hikari-chan and started playing soccer because of Taichi-san's encouragement. By the fifth grade, I had become such an outgoing, energetic goggle-boy. By the fifth grade, I felt jealous.

I never felt that way before until I met Takeru. I felt green with envy all over, just because of this blue-eye kid who waltzed right in and flirted with Hikari-chan immediately. (Well, perhaps not flirting with her. I think my memory is a bit deluded.) To befriend Hikari-chan so easily, I was jealous of that. To talk to her so easily, I was jealous of that because I was unable to when I first knew her.

Funny, how I blushed when I felt that way. I think that's when I started to have feelings for Hikari-chan. I may be mistaken, but I believe so.

During our adventures in the Digital World, I can't help but wonder why Hikari-chan looked so depressed from time to time. Her saddened eyes made me always want to do something for her. After all, I could only remember her for that smile from that day when she was looking for me. I hated when she was down in the dumps. Because when she felt that way, somehow I felt it too. I know it sounds "strange", but that's what I felt. It's really hard to explain. I guess that's what people mean about empathy.

I continued to watch her... her and Takeru. After a while, I had given up on my feelings for Hikari-chan for I thought that she would end up with Takeru. They were always so close, like how we used to be. I missed that... Those days... But it didn't make me sad somehow, to not be with Hikari-chan. I think I was always with her. Every time I wanted to protect her... Every time I wanted to cheer her up... Every time I wanted her to smile... That was me all that time, the "me" that she accepts. I didn't need to change myself for her. Sure, I changed over the course of the years, but I decided to. I was satisfied by that, so losing Hikari-chan wasn't so painful. Perhaps that's the reason why I had little desires and dreams compare to everyone else. Because I was already happy...

I think I've become much stronger and mature over the years and I have Hikari-chan to thank. It is because of her I have become the person I am today. I'm glad to have met such a wonderful person to share part of my life with. I don't regret ever falling in love with her. The feeling itself doesn't make me feel alone. I just hope that she is happy being with Takeru, for I will be contempt watching her at a distance...




Author's Notes:
I thought I should have some random side stories about the minor characters in their perspective to play out some of the background stories. For you Daisuke fans, I hope you like this short side story about his past and personal feelings towards Hikari. If you hadn't figure it out by now, this takes place when Takeru and Hikari was an item. I thought I wrote this pretty well, knowing that this is coming from a 13-year-old Daisuke. Don't you sympathize with him? But hey, you guys already know that he does end up with Hikari. How? It'll be touched in the next side story. ^_^ (Whenever that will be.)


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