Edgar Allen Kaiser
by Lisa

Disclaimer- No, I don't own Digimon, or else it would be a bit... erm... stranger. o.o; I don't own Edgar Allen Poe's stories, neither, Edgar Allen Poe does. o.o;;;

Comments- Please be warned, this story is hazardous to your serious side. Not only that, it's completely messed up and totally pointless. There's a bit of cussing... especially the word "Dammit." o.o; And... there's a small kissing part, but... that's 'bout it.


The Kaiser sits in his throne room, laughing as he watches Takeru and the others approach the base.

"Hahahahahaha. They think they can defeat me."

"Alas," Quoth the Wormmon on his shoulder, "Nevermore."

"Shut up, you damn bug."


"Damn you."




"Ha. My plan will scare them out of their minds."


And so the Chosen Children walked... and walked... and walked some more. And just for a change of plans... they walked some more.

"Why must we," quoth Hikari, "Do this like we're in some stupid poem?"

Takeru spoke.

"Don't look at me," answered he, " 'twas the author's idea."

Miyako snorted.

"Why must we," snorted she, "Talk like this?"

Iori shrugged.

"I don't know, but I don't want to anymore."

*Me- D'oh! ><; Stick to the script, dammit!*

Daisuke, oh brave Daisuke, spoke next.

"This," spoke he, "Is too wierd. I wanna quit."

*Me- YOU CAN'T QUIT! CHICKEN! ::Scratches out the phrase, "oh brave Daisuke", and puts, "Oh chicken Daisuke" in it's place::*

All of the Chosen Ones stared at I, gasping.

"No, please," begged Oh Chicken One, "Don't do that... I won't quit, I promise!!!"

*Me- Much better. >D*

Takeru, oh innocent Takeru, stared around.

"I do wonder," quoth the Innocent One, "Where the Kaiser is."

-Two minutes pass-

"I DO WONDER," repeats the now Annoyed one, "WHERE THE KAISER IS!"

*Me- Dammit, where'd the Kaiser get to???*

Oh the Kaiser, the oh so evil Kaiser, stood in his base, fixing his hair, his oh so dark hair.

*Me- D'oh! KAISER! MAKE YOUR ENTRANCE! ><; Why must villans be so hard to direct in a play?*

"What?" Asks he, "Oh, I'm needed for the scene."

"Nevermore," quoth the Wormmon.

"Shut up."

And so the Kaiser appeared on the spot with the other Chosens. They all gasp. Iori, oh so short Iori, speaks.

"Oh no. It's the Kaiser. Whatever do we do."


"OH NO!" cries Iori, causing all the others to plug their ears, "IT'S THE KAISER! WHATEVER DO WE DO?"

*Me- ::Sighs::*

The Kaiser, the oh so villanous Kaiser, opens his mouth to speak.

"Since we're stuck in some play," says he, "I might as well make a minor adjustment to the script." He pulls a pen out, an oh so... erm... black pen, and scratches out a bit on the script. He reaches behind his back, pulling out a skull. All the Chosens gasp in horror.

Quoth Miyako: "He didn't kill something for that, did he?"

Says the Kaiser, "No, it's just a stage prop." All the others sigh in relief. He reaches behind his back, smirking menacingly, and pulls out a book.

*Me- --; "Tales of Edgar Allen Kaiser"? The "Poe" is scratched out. Isn't that illegal?*

Quoth the Wormmon, "Nevermore."

The Kaiser speaks.

"Shut up, stupid bug. Now, listen closely digidestined," speaks he, "As I weave tales of terror and fright, so that I may scare you out of your minds."

Quoth the Wormmon, "Nevermore."

-Five Minutes Later-

Quoth all the Chosens, "Zzzzzzzzzzzzz...."

Quoth the Wormmon, "Nevermore."

The Kaiser finished, smirking an oh so evil smirk, and speaking.

"Oh, digidestined," says he, "Now, wasn't that terrifying? I just love the story of the Tell Tale Tailmon... of course, the Pit and the Palmon is even better..."

*Me- XD Try saying "The Tell Tale Tailmon" three times fast.*

Quoth the Chosens, "Zzzzzzzzzzzzz..."

The Kaiser frowned, an oh so mad frown, speaking louder.

"I SAID, 'OH DIGIDESTINED'," yelled the oh so evil Kaiser, "NOW WASN'T THAT TERRIFYING?????"

Quoth the Wormmon, "Nevermore."

Takeru, oh so sleepy Takeru, awakened. He looked at his script.

Start a fight with the Kaiser.
No, don't do that, kiss the Kaiser.

*::Peeks at Takeru's script:: O.O WHAT?? DAISUKE!!!!! YOU LITTLE MENACE!*

Takeru, oh so confused Takeru, stared in disbelief, but got up. He walked to the Kaiser, kissing the Kaiser, the oh so surprised Kaiser. Daisuke, oh so clever Daisuke, hid the pen, the oh so black pen, in his vintage 60's jacket pocket. The other Chosens awakened.

Quoth the Wormmon, "Nevermore."

The Kaiser stared at all of them, all of the Chosens, the oh so messed up Chosens, and ran, screaming.


Quoth the Wormmon, "Nevermore."

The Kaiser, the oh so defeated Kaiser, growled at the insect, the oh so annoying insect on his shoulder.

"I HATE YOU!" Hollered he, grabbing the bug and giving him a solid punt.


*Me- ::Finds a Wormmon in her lap while sitting in the audience:: o.o;;;*

Quoth the dizzy Wormmon in the director's lap, "N-n-morenever." @.@

*Me- o.O;*

And so the Kaiser, the oh so defeated Kaiser, ran back to his base.

Quoth Iori, "I think he's still sour about the lack of Kenkeru fics out there."

The Chosens, the oh so triumphant Chosens, threw down their scripts, yelling in victory.

Quoth Daisuke, oh so hungry Daisuke, "I WANT PIZZA!"

Says the other Chosens, "YEAH!"

And so, all the Chosens dash off the stage, heading for the pizza parlor.

At the parlor, I sit next to all of them, using a pen, an oh so black pen, writing on a piece of paper, an oh so flat piece of paper. I get up and leave, leaving the note on the table, folded.

Read the note, "Read me."

Daisuke, oh so brave Daisuke, grabbed it and tore it open, reading aloud.

Read he: "Just wait until we do Fairy Tales."

Quoth all the Chosens: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Quoth the Wormmon, the oh so annoying Wormmon that had been left with the Chosens:


The End

Comments: Now, was that story totally and completely pointless or what? XD Comments and criticism are appreciated, so... email me what you think. ^^;;;;


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